September 29, 2009

Blah Blah Blah

Lately, I have been feeling blah and at times, restless in my relationship. I thought sharing would make me feel better.

I’ve always thought that I was just bad at love relationships. In the past, I much preferred being on my own and really enjoy being independent. LB just...sort of happened and in a short time. I’ll be first to admit that I am the lucky one in our relationship and he is the one who got stuck with a consolation prize.

I’m really not good at compromising. I have a problem with admitting when I’m wrong and I don’t really care for the part in a relationship where you feel obligated to talk about your feelings and show interest in his; all day…everyday. Sometimes I feel smothered and just want quiet time and to be left alone for the first hour when I get home from work or when watching my shows or reading my books. Not all the time, just sometimes but I feel guilty feeling like that at all.

I surprised myself by being a good parent. I’ve made mistakes but overall I am a great mother. Believe me, I used to worry I would suck at it. But, it has been a true labor of love for me. I am in love my kids.

My relationship with LB has been successful but sometimes it bothers me that it doesn’t come easy to me. I’m all over the place when it comes to these feelings. Sometimes I feel smothered but then at times I love being someone’s other half. Don't get me wrong, I love being his wife and LB knows all this about me and truly understands. Although some may like to think he caters to my every wish, he definitely lets me know his opinions, and speaks his mind.

He understands how I feel about marriage and doesn't press me to be “conventional”. He considers my feelings when I’m feeling crowded or like he’s hovering over me. He just steps back and gives me my space. If there is anyone who is perfect for me, it is he. I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone and there isn’t anyone I would rather spend my life with than him.

I just have to get myself together and shake it off and be thankful for what I have. I ended up in a loving marriage with a man who would walk through fire to protect me. God gave me children who are simply my world. I have a good career and I have a loving family and we support each other no matter what. I am indeed a lucky woman. I am a treasured wife, a loving mother, a loyal sister and a successful woman.

I am living the dream.

I suppose I have to remind myself just how blessed I am when I get down in the dumps and feeling…well…blah.

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